i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
These tits shall not be calmed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
