There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
