She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
did i walk over a car last night?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
