i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
