I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
