it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
