How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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