So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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