She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
