Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
