were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
