can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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