So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
