So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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