I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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