Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
