Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
