people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
