My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
