Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jerry, you need to find god
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
