They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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