I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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