He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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