I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
