Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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