How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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