I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
