So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
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you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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