will power is for people who don't want to get laid
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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