In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
