i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
