They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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