we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
