WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He passed out mid-signature
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How external is "for external use only"?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
