I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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