I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
