So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
