Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
