Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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