Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
