New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
