So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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