I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
