I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
