he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
