Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
