omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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