Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
