ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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