And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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