We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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