Define "chronic" masturbator.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
