Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
