you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
