why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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