Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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