First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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