i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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