I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
nutella sex= disaster
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
