I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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