You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
