brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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