yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
