I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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