i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
