I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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